


mansplaining can get you in real trouble

by phinnia



Series: Ineffable Drabbles [7]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 20:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21344011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phinnia/pseuds/phinnia
Summary: Crowley does Not Like Mansplaining.  Azriaphale pretends to be a professor.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Ineffable Drabbles [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1537249
Kudos: 58





	mansplaining can get you in real trouble

While they're in New York, Aziraphale looks in all the shops they pass, and because they're going down Fifth Avenue, there are so _many_ of them. So he actually slows down, which is very unlike him or Manhattan, but it does allow him to watch Aziraphale. 

Crowley likes to watch. He's got a voyeuristic side, he won't deny that at all. He likes watching the angel. He's been watching the angel for thousands of years. He's so interesting to watch in a new environment. So fascinated by everything around him. He's staring at all the buildings - which in Manhattan are all so massive, they stretch to the sky like great fingers clawing at it, trying to peel the clouds away, to tear Heaven away from the earth like a bitter peel away from the juicy, moist fruit below - the people, the buses and cars, and all the delightful _weirdos_ that run around and most of the locals just ignore. Those ocean-blue eyes just take everything in. 

Some of them are really keen weirdos, too, but a lot of them are just twats in desperate need of a good smackdown. Like the ones that hit on women and can't take a good 'no' when they've heard it. Even when they've heard it three times, in increasing volume. 

A brunette in a skirt suit and running shoes (very sensible, Crowley thinks after a moment - she's got a bag, her other shoes are clearly in the bag, those shoes are just for walking around in; New York, despite the garbage and the traffic and the constant blaring of car horns, is _sensible_) is trying to get away from one of these rejected cats' breakfasts. He appears to be going on and on about something, and the girl is telling him boring things and trying desperately to get away. She spots Crowley, laughably mistakes him for a kindred spirit, and rolls her eyes, inclining her head, clearly saying 'look at this piece of shit I have to deal with'.

He is not kind or nice. But he doesn't like people having to deal with arseholes like that, either. 

"I believe you're irritating the lady." He says.

"What do you know, asshole?"

Crowley directed a glare of pure menace through his sunglasses. "I _said_, I believe you're irritating the lady."

He turns and runs. Halfway down the block, he trips over his own shoelaces. He cannot get his coffee to stay warm for the rest of the week and he can't achieve an erection for six months. The doctors he visits have absolutely no idea why.

"Oh, thank you so much." The woman says. "He was - he just wouldn't quit mansplaining to me about Mesopotamia. You know that sort of guy, thinks they know everything, you know nothing, becacuse you have tits?"

Crowley does, and it's bothered him that humans are like this for millenia. "I'm familiar with that type, yes. Never liked anybody that puts gender or body parts over knowledge. You mentioned Mesopotamia?"

"I did! I'm a masters' student. Doing my thesis at NYU in Near Eastern Studies. Specifically, Mesopotamia."

"Well, young woman, I must introduce you to a friend of mine." He turns back to Aziraphale, who has stopped walking and looking around and is now wondering what in Heaven is going on. "This is Professor Fell, from London. He runs a rare book store, but he also does some lecturing on Mesopotamia. Talks about digs and that kind of thing."

"Oh!" She looks absolutely thrilled. "So pleased to meet you, Professor!" She starts chattering to Aziraphale about her thesis. He notices she's wearing a wedding ring, and feels better about it. Someone else he doesn't have to worry about while ... brooding. And now he can just watch the angel talk, which isn't quite as good as watching him eat, but it has its charms. 

And if the woman finds a particularly topical rare book in her bag later, that wouldn't surprise him at all.


End file.
